Encouraging at my House

Since I've been researching and writing on Encouragement, I've picked up a few new ideas and Robert is the "blessed" recipient as I try them out.

I thought I'd tell you how my own encouragement experiences work out - they're not always as successful as I plan them to be. We often say that I'm all about the process and he's focused on the product. Fortunately, Robert sees the good in what I try.

Here's an example where one try at encouraging my spouse didn't quite work as well as I'd hoped:

A little over a month ago Robert began, as happens to many, grappling with issues at work and church. His other responsibilities in life began to weigh heavily. Then like an unexpected ice-storm, the doom-'n-gloom economic climate seemed to freeze-over his usual positive outlook.

Maybe it was time for a little extra encouragement. But what to do?

All my words of hope couldn't seem to melt the weight of his worries. I was already praying and he both knew I was and heard me pray. I thought I'd try fortifying his faith in God's control over circumstances using verses from the Bible.

I found a stack of 2" x 3" cards with Bible verses (they were from a desk calendar my son had) and chose eighteen or twenty verses I thought might have an impact. Then I placed one card in his medicine cabinet next to his shaver so he would see it he started his day. After I placed the first card, I waited expectantly for a comment from him. Nothing.

So I changed the card to another Bible verse. It was a powerful verse. Still no acknowledgement.

A week or so later I put a new card in the medicine cabinet - this time next to his toothbrush. Not a word from Robert about the newest addition to his cabinet.

Well, I thought I couldn't be doing anything harmful, and I was determined not to be discouraged. I kept replacing those Bible verse cards every so often.

About five weeks later, we were packing for a weekend trip, and Robert finally said, "Thanks for the Bible cards."

Wow - he DID notice!

I wanted to know if it had helped him - which verse he liked best. That question highlighted what I hadn't taken into account. Robert recently started wearing reading glasses. He doesn't need them to shave or to brush his teeth, so every time he went into the bathroom, he saw the card, but the writing was so small he couldn't read it!

My attempt to encourage had been foiled in an unexpected way.

We laughed together over the issues of getting older.

And the next card I found to put into his medicine cabinet had really big writing so he could read it without his glasses!

When it's time to lean...

Times are a little tough right now.

People are hurting financially, and emotionally. Even if you're not directly affected by the economic climate, you may struggle. Sometimes worries afflict - the worst-case scenario plays over and over in your mind, zapping strength and motivation.

Perhaps you're not feeling particularly strong these days.

"Lean on me when you're not strong..." the first stanza of that popular song says. Who can you lean on? Who can provide strength?

As Christians we lean on Jesus - He can fulfill all our needs in a perfect way. He's first.

Maybe we can also lean on our parents, or friends, or extended family.

Can we also lean on our spouse?

We can if they really know us:

• We can lean on our spouse if they know our needs.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know our fears.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what brings us joy.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what motivates us.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what we value.

Being encouraged isn't all about the other person taking action. Your participation in the process is necessary. Have you taken the time to share intimate knowledge of yourself with your spouse? They're not mind readers, you know.

God knows all things - not your spouse!

If you're feeling the need to lean - to be encouraged - I challenge you to arrange an intimate, quiet few hours with your spouse. Tell them you want to be alone together to talk and you need them to listen.

Is this idea scary?

Most of us don't walk around naked - either in body or spirit. Sharing hearts - being naked emotionally - is much harder than climbing into bed to experience physical intimacy with your spouse. It can feel excruciating to expose deep emotions.

It's OK to begin small. Uncover one aspect of what you're feeling at the start. Try exposing only one fear to your spouse. They may surprise you and provide a loving shoulder to lean on. That's one way to feel encouraged - to feel validated because your spouse has intimate knowledge of who you are.

Validating with intimate knowledge may be the most elusive of all the seven encouragement actions because it requires transparency. Emotional intimacy doesn't come easily. Guessing will not work when your spouse wants to validate your needs, fears, or joys. Your spouse needs something to work with and it's up to you to share.

God can use your spouse to encourage you. After you've taken your concerns to the Lord in prayer, try sharing with the one you married. Experience how your spouse's ability to encourage you will deepen - from a puddle to a bottomless well.

Holding Hands

Touch communicates love.

I'm sure that statement doesn't surprise you - we're bombarded by images on television and in print of couples touching each other. They're either embracing or kissing or caressing. Or more.

There's another touch between couples that communicates love, and I wonder when the last time you and your spouse reached out and ...

held hands?

I've interviewed a number of couples married more than 50 years. One of the many things I've noticed about their relationship is that they hold hands -or the wife will tuck her arm through the crook of her husband's arm as they walk.

It's touch. It isn't fancy, or overt but it does show two people connected by love.

I challenge you to reach out to your spouse today - and hold their hand. It's one way to encourage - to foster with unconditional love.

Plan to Encourage

Have you heard the old adage, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail…” ? Planning takes effort – it demands a conscious choice – and it’s an indicator of a proactive person working toward a desired outcome.

If we want to encourage our spouse – to inspire their hope in the future, strengthen their faith, show them unconditional love, lift them up in prayer, support them with joy filled zeal, stimulate them with new insight and validate them with intimate knowledge– then we need to design a plan to encourage them.

A practical plan to start the encouraging process:

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” Planning, unlike wishing, will provide results.

Make a list of everything that’s going on in your spouse’s life right now - in your relationship, as a family, at work, in friendships, and in life in general. Do you know? You may see your spouse every day, but when was the last time you sat down and just listened to them?

Design a time to chat. This time is for your spouse to talk and share – you’re there to:

1) Ask kind, gently probing, open-ended questions.
2) Listen to their answers. Be quiet and just listen – do not share your opinions.
3) Watch their eyes – the eyes are the windows to the soul.
4) Pay attention to their body language as they talk about each topic.
5) Notice - through vocal inflection - what they’re excited about or fearful over.
6) Really hear them. Hear the feelings and emotions lying under the words.

Now that you know some of what’s going on in your spouse’s heart, mind and soul, you can build your plan.

As you ask yourself the following questions, write down the anwers:

• How can I inspire them with hope for their future? For our future together?


• How can I bring my faith as a Christian into focus to provide strength – to fortify them?


• How can I notice them – the person they are, not their behavior – and foster them with unconditional love? Love can take the form of an intimate touch, or gentle, nurturing care.


• What can I pray for in their life? Can I pray with them to uplift them? When can it happen?


• What action can I take today to give them my joy-filled support?


• With what new insight into their situation can I stimulate their thinking?


• How can I use my intimate knowledge of my spouse to validate them– to let them know what a unique and special person they are?

Be specific when answering these questions.
Be diligent, and thoughtful.
Be creative and insightful.

Building on small words, ideas and gestures will make your spouse feel wrapped in encouragement, thereby transforming your relationship.

Your plan to encourage will make you a light in your spouse’s life, and a voice of possibility in their ear. You’ll be an encourager. It’s a good thing to be!

Results from 100% + 100%

Last week I spent an afternoon with a couple who have been married 50+ years. Their life is a true example of how encouraging your spouse - supporting with joy-filled zeal - makes life rich and fulfilling.



They began their married life when they were quite young - at least compared to today's couples. They had three children, one of whom is hearing impaired.



Carrying on over the next 50 years, they built their first house together, fought for changes in state policy for the deaf, grew a congregation as a minister and wife, and took care of an elderly parent in their home. In addition, the wife returned to college to get an undergraduate degree and then a masters degree, once the children were grown. They also traveled the globe, and have done things many of us haven't attempted yet.


As I sat listening, I heard how working together in areas that they valued brought them both laughter, joy and tangible success.


From the story of how she got a wheel-barrow for her birthday because they were building their first home, to how he would pick her up at her job and take her to college classes, then drive her back to her job (making sure she had a packed lunch to eat), to venturing out of their comfort zone and going white-water rafting when they were in their sixties - those stories showed me a picture of two people working together to make a great life.



They didn't count the cost of the effort they put into their marriage.



There are two things this couple wanted me to communicate to other married people:



1) trust is the most important part of marriage

2) each spouse must give 100% to the marriage (not 50/50) 100% from him & 100% from her



So what is the result of their trust in each other and each gifting the other 100% ? They have a marriage story showing tangible results echoing their values:

• marriage - a solid, growing marriage relationship of over 50 years


• personal growth - the freedom for each to develop and pursue their desires and interests


• faith - they attend, now in retirement, the same congregation they were instrumental in growing


• education - a degree and master's degree


• family involvement - the satisfaction of nurturing a parent until she passed away


• advocacy - a state organization of parents advocating for their deaf children


• improving the world for their children - changes in state legislation in how deaf children are educated


• hard work - a house that still stands which they built together


• adventure - they have travel and life experiences to share

Guess what? This couple isn't done yet! They're ready for more together, and I'm sure they'll do it all with joy-filled zeal.

I have a lot to learn from them.

Marriage Investment

With the news broadcasts filled with doom and gloom over the economy my thoughts can't help but be targeted on our family investments.

You might think I'm referring to the stuff that starts with a dollar sign. That's not the investment to which I'm referring.

How much do we invest in our marriages?

Our very first investment into marriage is often the Wedding Day.

Robert and I are coming up on 25 years of marriage. We spent perhaps 1/6 th of what is spent today, yet the time and effort was probably very similar to what people do today.

According to the web-site http://www.costofwedding.com/, the average wedding costs $28,000. WOW. Since I read that figure, I've been polling friends, family, co-workers, and forums asking what they spent on their wedding day. So far most have said they spent much less.

To plan a wedding, months are spent in preparation. There are dress fittings, taste testings, phone calls and visits to reception venues and photographers. Hours are spent on the internet researching to find just the right token to give to the guests, or to find a perfect invitation and save-the-date notes cards. And then decisions are made over who will be in the wedding party and invited to the wedding.

So, to get married we invest time, money and effort. To create one perfect day.

Once the Wedding Day is over, how much do we invest in our marriage?

We can do many things to invest in our marraige that cost money - buying books, DVDs or CDs on marriage enrichment, or attending seminars and retreats, going out for dinner, or having an intimate one-on-one couple focused holiday. All these investments will pay out dividends.

But what can you invest in your marriage that doesn't cost money?

Encouraging your spouse will not cost you a dime. Nada. Zilch. Nothing. But it will bring HUGE dividends!

Invest in your marriage - Encourage Your Spouse!

Making a Connection

Yesterday I talked about one way couples choose to stay connected - writing notes.

Many times I hear a husband or wife say - "But I don't know what to write." or "I can't think of anything to say when I see that blank piece of paper or notecard."

To solve that problem, I found a special product. It's "thought cards" by Smiles Made Easy.

This young Canadian mom created little note cards with prompts like "You have a great way of ..." or "You make me happy when ..." or "My favorite thing about you is ...".

Their motto is - We start the thought. You finish it. It's never been so easy to say what you've always wanted!

Here's a quote from Karem's website http://www.smilesmadeeasy.com/:

"... a note-writer by inclination, I have turned writing love notes to my husband into a successful business... I want to make it easy to connect and say things that, in today's hectic world, often don't get said. So be inspiring, reminiscent, goofy, or romantic ... but be sure to say it, and say it often."

What a great mission - encouraging action to stay connected!

There are 5 different tins:

• I Love it When ...
• Remember When ...
• I Have Fun When ...
• I Am Proud When ...
• You're A Great Mom Because ...

Inside each tin: 15 Envelopes, 15 different - 3.2" X 3.9" - thought cards, and one index card.

The tins are small enough to slip into a purse or pocket and write one thought card while sitting at a stop light, or at the bathroom counter before bed to tuck one under your spouse's pillow!

Here's a quote from someone who's used these cards to connect with her husband:

"Smiles Made Easy thought cards was a fantastic gift. I purchased the "Remember When…" set for my husband and had so much fun filling out the cards. He thoroughly enjoyed remembering the moments I had written down from years past and I will never forget the smile it left on his face!"

Maybe you could give one of these little tins as a gift to a couple you know - someone who needs a little boost in how to encourage their spouse?

The website is http://www.smilesmadeeasy.com/ - it's a Canadian company but they do ship to the USA.

Note: I don't know this person or receive anything from this product. I just found it in a card shop and fell in love with the idea. I'm all for making encouragement an easy process!

Being Connected

We live in a busy world.
Lots of rushing around.
So many responsibilities.


There's the stress that kids create in a marriage.
There's the concern over money issues.
There are in-law and out-law relationship battles.


How do you and your spouse stay connected?


1. Being connected to your spouse takes time.

2. Being connected to your spouse takes effort.

3. Being connected to your spouse takes perseverance.





From my research, and speaking with couples , I've found most do at least these three things to stay connected with each other (there are other things but these are the top three)

• Plan specific, daily time together ... as an example, one couple will dedicate the first 15 minutes when the husband comes home from work to lay together on their bed, close the door on the children, and talk together.


• Reminisce ... another couple will look through their picture albums to bring back all the happy memories from their life together and then post some of those pictures on their computer monitors as a screen saver


• Write notes ... sometimes those notes are informal sentences on a scrap of paper, or a quick email. Sometimes they're elaborate cards, and sometimes those notes are long letters of appreciation. The magic ingredient in every note is the tangible, written evidence of one spouse reaching out to the other to stay connected.

Do you want to stay connected with your spouse? Try one of these three actions.

Feeling connected to your spouse will create powerful opportunities to encourage. Encouragement can transform your life. So... Stay connected!

Coloring Outside the Lines

Remember using crayons? Every color, every shade in the rainbow (plus a few more) was found in a box of crayons.

Sometimes I would draw my own pictures but more often I'd use a coloring book with the outline of pictures already drawn - the picture defined and waiting to be filled in.

Those line drawings on a white page were waiting for me to use my crayons and bring them to life.

While I was young, the outlines were just suggestions. I knew I could use the entire page and cover it with any color I chose. I could even add to the picture if something was missing. It didn't have to be perfect, just colorful. I delighted in the act of coloring.

As I got older, I concentrated on coloring inside the lines, and choosing my colors carefully to make the picture show artistic skill.

My actions became more about the end product than the process.

If I made a mistake and colored outside the line drawing, or used the wrong color in the wrong place... I'd discard that effort. Only the perfectly colored pictures would end up hanging on the wall or given as a gift.

Now I'm a grown-up - or at least I'm supposed to be.

Color in my life is still important and I have more color in my life than what’s on my walls. Color can manifest far more on the intangible than the exterior, physical part of life.

A colorful life can come from a diverse group of friends, or exhilarating experiences. Color in life can come from learning new things, or growing in a skill.

Encouragement can be a whole rainbow of colors to enhance a relationship.

What if you were to grow in your ability to encourage? What more could be added to your relationship with your spouse if you used encouragement like the box of crayons you had as a child?

You’re telling me that you already encourage.

I believe you.

However, are you careful to stay within the boundaries when encouraging your spouse - using only the tried and true?

That would be like only using a few crayons out of the rainbow pack. We're used to blue, green, yellow, and red and we stick with those colors. What would every color look like - all together - on the page?

Imagine filling your entire spousal relationship canvas using the colors of encouragement.

What effect can the right color have?

• color can cheer
• color can draw attention
• color can enhance a drab interior or exterior
• color can soothe
• color can rejuvenate
• color can change perspective
• color can envelope

And encouragement can do all those things too.

• Inspiring with HOPE can brighten your future.
• Fortifying with FAITH can draw attention to God
• Fostering with Unconditional LOVE can enhance the interior & exterior of any marriage
• Uplifting with persistent PRAYER can soothe fears
• Supporting with joy-filled ZEAL can rejuvenate a tired spirit
• Stimulating with NEW INSIGHT can change perspective in situations
• Validating with INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE can envelope your spouse with acceptance

Add a little encouragement color to your relationship!

Be bold – I challenge you to use all the colors in the box, to color outside the lines and really make an impact!

Water with Encouragement

My house plants get a lot of exercise.

They wilt.

They revive.

They wilt, and they revive once more.

What's the miracle that brings back their strength?

Water. It's a simple thing, yet vital to a plant's ability to live.

In life, we face challenges that can make us wilt.

The drive to succeed can run out of steam.

A will to thrive can sputter to a halt.

The ability to get up, one more time, after a disappointment can seem impossible.

Have you or your spouse ever felt wilted - unable to rebound? What can revive your spouse's drive?

A drink of cool, clear, refreshing Encouragement might make the difference.

Encouragement can take the form of hope - telling your spouse you'll be together to build a bright future. Talking and planning for the future can revive the desire to succeed.

Encouragement can take the form of faith - reminding your spouse of the greatness of God, and how God can make a difference in your lives. Encouragement ends in the letter "t". The shape of the cross. Bringing your spouse (literally or figuratively) to a point they can experience Christ will encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of love - love that's based on who your spouse is, not a reflection of their behavior. Showing love through intimate, physical touch can encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of prayer - the silent prayer between God and you, asking the One who can change circumstances for help. Or letting your spouse hear you pray for them - that will bring encouragement.

Encouragement can take the form of joy-filled zeal - the pitching in with physical labor, the lending a hand in a practical way, or the simple act of "being present" for your spouse is a way to encourage.

Encouragement can take the form of new insight - ideas and suggestions, research into a problem, or referring them to someone who has been in their situation will encourage your spouse.

Encouragement can take the form of validating them with your intimate knowledge - you know your spouse best. You're an expert on your spouse. Help them see themselves through your eyes - give them a picture of the amazing person you know.

7 ways to give your spouse a needed, and life-giving drink of water - Encouragement.

If you encourage your spouse more than I water my plants... maybe you'll even prevent a wilting of their spirit!

What does the mirror reflect?

I've been "lurking" - reading and being encouraged - on a forum since December. It's connected to a Christian web-site for mothers at home and their purpose is to encourage women in their profession of motherhood.

On this forum I read a thread called "Dh (dear husband) Praises". Amazing.

These ladies were looking at their husband's behavior and noticing the good stuff. This good stuff included everything from taking care of children, to doing household chores, to reaching out to comfort and include someone, to earning an income to provide for their family and more. Sometimes I could tell some wives forced themselves to search for the good - and it wasn't easy - yet they were successful in finding it.

I've never met these ladies or their husbands. However, through their praises I "saw" a reflection of these men. These reflections showed me good men - men who were valued.

Now I have a question for you.

How does your spouse appear using the mirror of your words?

When you talk about your spouse to friends, co-workers, family or the store clerk, what impression will those people take with them? Are you reflecting a positive image of your spouse?

I can hear you now -telling me that you're so frustrated with all the things your spouse can't or won't do - you're telling me how disappointed you are - you're telling me you want what you used to have and why can't it be like that again - you're telling me how afraid of the future you are if things stay the same. I hear you. I do.

Is reflecting all the concerns, negatives, and disappointments helping you in any way? Is it making things better?

Yes, I know we all need to vent and unburden ourselves at times, or we'll b-l-o-w. I'm no different.

That's where a strong prayer life - an intimate connection with God - fills the void. I unburden myself to Him. I complain, and lament, and rage, and plead, and mutter ... but when I'm done I force myself to find something to be thankful about. That's why that thread, and those ladies on the forum who praised their husbands touched my heart so deeply.

So. Here's my question again - How does your spouse "look" in the mirror of your words?

If the reflection of your spouse isn't a positive one, it's in your power to change it.

Reflect the good stuff. Search for the good stuff. Make it a habit to only talk about the good stuff to others. Practice this long enough and you'll see the "new" reflection too ...

And wouldn't that change your life? Become your spouse's mirror - reflect only the positive.

Practice Gratitude

When was the last time you were thankful for your spouse? Thankful for the person he or she is - character traits, talents, attitudes, actions and words ...

Today?

Yesterday?

Last week, or month? Maybe last year... what about in the last 10 years?

It doesn't matter when last you practiced being thankful - what matters is that you begin now. Yes. Now. Right now.

And what's one powerful way to express this gratitude - this thankfulness for your spouse? Take action in prayer. Tell the One who provided. Begin with Him.

If you talk to God about how thankful you are for your spouse, you'll focus on what's right in your marriage - it'll uplift you. And if you're praying with your spouse and they hear you, you'll encourage them also.

So, now it gets personal... what sort of things are you thankful for in your spouse?

Here 's what some couples I've spoken with list as things they're thankful for in their spouse:

• how he brings her Hershey's with Almonds


• how she makes the food he likes, just the way he likes it


• how he's fair & non-judgemental


• her patience


• his work ethic


• how he makes her laugh, even in the worst times


• how she always pays the bills


• knowing that she prays for him


• knowing that he likes to play board games

Thankfulness in big things - thankfulness in little things... it doesn't matter. Just be thankful.

I challenge you to make your own list, and the next time you pray with your spouse express this thankfulness. (What if all you did in your prayer is give thanks?)

It might become a habit - to uplift each other with persistant prayer.

Prayer - another way to encourage your spouse.

Seeds of Hope

Being able to look forward with anticipation ...

Having the expectation that good will happen ...

Working toward a goal that will build up ...

How developed is your ability to hope?

Hope is like a seed - it has all the elements to grow into something wonderful if nurtured. How can you nurture hope in yourself and your spouse?

Recently I found a lovely little product in a gift shop: "Seeds of Hope"

They are 12 little cards with an affirmation on each card - all so you can nurture hope. Here's a couple of examples:

"When you choose love over fear, hope will surprise you with new possibilities."

"Fill your heart with hope. Anything is possible!"

The description on the package is "This little packet is full of encouragement. With it you can stoke your heart. Be reminded how much you are treasured. And wrap yourself in hope, tender as a hug."

In addition to these 12 - 3x3 sized cards, there are also seeds. Yes. Real seeds to plant.

Lovely.

If you're interested - go to http://www.gentlyspoken.com/ to learn more.

I'm not selling anything, nor do I know this person, or receive anything... it's just a product I fell in love with! Sometimes I need help keeping my own hope alive!

Do you raise up - or cross out?

Imagine a paper - 8 1/2 by 11, white - with a signature written on it.

Now imagine preparing to draw a line on the paper. One straight line drawn horizontally across the page. What do you do with your line?



The line is you & that special, unique signature is your spouse.

We can either support our spouse's signature with our line - or we can cross it out.

Our spouses want us to support them. It's important to them that we notice and value their talents and positive qualities. Doing that we raise them up.

However, at times (sometimes even without realizing) we cross them out. How?

Criticism crosses them out - especially in public.
Doubt in their abilities crosses them out.
Busyness crosses them out.
Indifference about their dreams crosses them out.

There's more - but you get the idea. It's not a violent act, it's not always a premeditated act, but it does cross them out, instead of supporting them.

Be the line under your spouse's signature - raising them up, supporting them - not crossing them out!

A simple gesture, done consistently...

Speaks Volumes!


An interesting (at least to me) concept has cropped up while I've been asking married couples this month to tell me the way they communicate their love to their spouse..


Couples will often have a gesture - or two - that has developed over time to communicate their love. Their solidarity. Their "couple-hood".


It takes a little while to uncover these gestures. When I first ask the couples they usually can't think of anything. They'll laugh, and shrug. They'll look at each other and smile.


Eventually they might suggest something small in a hesitant voice, assuming what they do can't be that important. Or we'll continue talking and I'll notice how they react to a shared story - and comment on the gesture they use. The couple will be surprised to realize that they do use this regularly.


Here's a few simple, consistent gestures some couples do to show their love to each other:



- a good morning kiss
- the ASL sign "I love you" across a crowded room
- knuckle to knuckle "punch" when in agreement
- a special wave (hand motion) when leaving
- a neck massage every now and again when driving long distance
- holding hands when walking





It's really interesting to see how spouses show their love - sometimes with gestures that are unconscious and unplanned, yet consistent.



How do you encourage your spouse with a simple, consistent gesture? Let me know - email Lori@EncourageYourSpouse.com!

Know what makes your spouse feel special!

Recently I spent time with a couple who have been married for 53 years. They still hold hands.


As I sat with them following dinner I looked over, and their hands were clasped. 53 years married, 6 children, 16 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren - and they hold hands.


What's kept them together, holding hands, and respecting each other? Probably lots of things, however one story stood out.


They had six small children, one income, and times were tough. He worked hard in his profession, and also served as a minister on weekends and visited church members every evening. She was responsible for things at home.


Imagine being a young mom with your husband working all day, and helping other people on the weekends and during the evenings... Yet she knew she was special and valued - despite very little time or money. How?



After visiting church members into the late evening, he would stop by a convenience store and buy a coconut covered, individual sized cake. He would present it to her. Just her.


She called it a "ho-ho", and I've since learned its name is a Hostess® Sno Ball®. It became America’s most famous pink snack cake, and celebrates 60 years as one of America’s favorite treats.



So what really happened that she felt special? Was it the cake? Not really.


He made the conscious decision to think about her - and took action to show it.


When was the last time you deliberately took action to give something to your spouse they valued - to make them feel special?


Don't tell me you don't have the money. Money is not required. Knowledge of your spouse is ...


First - understand what your spouse values - what makes them feel special. Next, you need to take action.


Intimate Knowledge - then action. It's one way to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope - being an optimist will help!

According to research there's only a 25% chance you've been born with an optimist's DNA ...

However, there's a whole group of people walking around this planet choosing to look at the good in life - hoping for a great future.
We choose how we're going to behave. Are you choosing to be an optimist?

Here's why being optimistic will help you inspire yourself and your spouse with hope ...

1) If you are optimistic, you're more likely to set goals - having hope for a great future.

2) If you are optimistic, your goals will lead you to develop (new) skills, and practice those skills to achieve your goals. Taking action toward your goals is a sign of an optimist.

3) If you are optimistic, your new, practiced skills will create a feeling of "flow"* - of being competent, and in control. Then you'll enjoy successful outcomes.

4) If you are optimistic, your successful outcomes will make you feel and act with joy, leading you to more hope for a greater future.

It's a cycle - become an optimist and inspire with hope! Encourage your spouse.

To learn more go to www.encourageyourspouse.com

* Flow is a concept proposed by positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

A summary - 7 ways to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope -
"I believe we can build an incredible future together."

Fortify with Faith
"I contribute strength to your belief in God."

Foster with Unconditional Love
"I demonstrate creatively how much love, without limitations and conditions, weaves our life together."

Uplift with Persistent Prayer
"I pray for you, and with you, releasing everything into God's care."

Support with Joy filled Zeal
"I'm working beside you - with energy & a willing attitude - building a great life together."

Stimulate with New Insight
"I'm primed to provide new ideas and information to energize our life together."

Validate with Intimate Knowledge
"I know who you are. I know your needs, fears, joys & what motivates you. I value you."