Your marriage isn't perfect... neither are you or your spouse.
Surprised? (I don't think so)
Perfection is something we, in North America, are tuned into. Our media urges its attainment with advertisements on how to have perfect skin, the perfect body, the perfect car, the perfect place to live ... you get the idea.
In addition to media, those around us are full of the "shoulds" in life...
- we should save for retirement
- we should spend more time with our kids
- we should have a college degree
- we should call our parents more
- we should help out in the community
- we should be a great cook,
- we should ... (fill in the blank here)
- we should ... (fill in the blank here)
- we should ... (fill in the blank here)
Lately Robert and I are questioning the "shoulds" in life. We're asking "why should we...?" That question stops perfectionism in its tracks, and helps us redefine our priorities depending on our answers.
I hate to break it to you, but being perfect is impossible. There was only One living human who walked on this earth who was perfect - Christ. Yes, we are are working to become Christ-like, however we are a work-in-progress.
You are not perfect - you are a work-in-progress.
Your spouse is not perfect - just a work-in-progress.
Your relationship with your spouse is just as much a work-in-progress.
Here are a few examples of couples with work-in-progress relationships:
- I'm watching a young couple form a relationship and as they shift perspectives, negotiate priorities and decide values - they are a work-in-progress. That couple often needs time to talk through their disagreements, yet they're hopeful as they overcome each issue.
- This week I talked with a young wife, married less than 5 years, who wants to to be able to have a "date" night every week. Their life is too busy right now, and she's disappointed yet hopeful - their marriage is a work-in-progress.
- Robert and I are married 25 years this May and our marriage continues to be a work-in-progress. We're navigating through the maze of responsibilities we now hold as we try to paint a picture of what the future will look like. We're optimistically hopeful that the next 25 years will be good.
- I had an email from a wife married more than 50 years and she explained how we can't expect our husbands to automatically have skills we've honed for years - like shopping on a budget and finding the best "deal". She detailed how her husband had just come home from the store and was thrilled to have made wise purchases. In their 50+ years of marriage they still have new things to learn about each other, and about navigating the responsibilities in marriage. She's thankful to share the adventure of their marriage of 50+ years, eventhough it's still a work-in-progress!
So please stop expecting things in your marriage relationship to be perfect! Everyone is working to progress.
To quote the wife married 50+ years:
" ... it is good to share good news, and it's encouraging perhaps for others to know that it's never too late for a marriage to be improved, even salvaged. God is in the business of restoring all things, including marriages. It takes commitment to the marriage "for better or for worse", faith in God and His Word, trust, patience, perseverance and prayer."
Have hope. And keep in mind your relationship doesn't have to be perfect - just a work-in-progress.
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