Why are you encouraging your spouse? Focus on the big picture.

Sometimes when you give your spouse that little verbal pat on the back, it can be done without much thought. He or she does something nice, performs well, or needs a positive word, and you respond. No biggie. Easily accomplished. Moving on to more important things…


There’s an oft-used story about three bricklayers’ attitude to their work that can be used to illustrate this:
The story goes, that three bricklayers are working side by side.

They’re asked by a visitor, "What are you doing?"

The first bricklayer replies, "I'm laying bricks to earn a living. My family needs to eat."

The second bricklayer answers, "I’m laying bricks to build this wall. A guy over there taught me what to do and everyday I show up to put one brick on top of another. I guess someday they’ll tell me I’m done and I’ll move on to another wall."

The third bricklayer when asked the very same question, "What are you doing?", responds, "I'm building a cathedral. It’ll be to the honor and glory of God. I’m helping to create something for my family - my children and grandchildren will benefit along with generations who will come here to praise and honor God. It’ll be so beautiful. Would you like to help along?”

As you enter 2009, and work on your relationship with your spouse, ask yourself “Why am I encouraging?”

Do you encourage just because it fulfills a need, or it’s what you know you’re supposed to do?

Or do you encourage your spouse because you have a vision of how life could be great together – filled with purpose and peace?

Keep your eye on the greater purpose – the macro picture – as you encourage your spouse! Make 2009 a year to celebrate.

Water with Encouragement

My house plants get a lot of exercise.

They wilt.

They revive.

They wilt, and they revive once more.

What's the miracle that brings back their strength?

Water. It's a simple thing, yet vital to a plant's ability to live.

In life, we face challenges that can make us wilt.

The drive to succeed can run out of steam.

A will to thrive can sputter to a halt.

The ability to get up, one more time, after a disappointment can seem impossible.

Have you or your spouse ever felt wilted - unable to rebound? What can revive your spouse's drive?

A drink of cool, clear, refreshing Encouragement might make the difference.

Encouragement can take the form of hope - telling your spouse you'll be together to build a bright future. Talking and planning for the future can revive the desire to succeed.

Encouragement can take the form of faith - reminding your spouse of the greatness of God, and how God can make a difference in your lives. Encouragement ends in the letter "t". The shape of the cross. Bringing your spouse (literally or figuratively) to a point they can experience Christ will encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of love - love that's based on who your spouse is, not a reflection of their behavior. Showing love through intimate, physical touch can encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of prayer - the silent prayer between God and you, asking the One who can change circumstances for help. Or letting your spouse hear you pray for them - that will bring encouragement.

Encouragement can take the form of joy-filled zeal - the pitching in with physical labor, the lending a hand in a practical way, or the simple act of "being present" for your spouse is a way to encourage.

Encouragement can take the form of new insight - ideas and suggestions, research into a problem, or referring them to someone who has been in their situation will encourage your spouse.

Encouragement can take the form of validating them with your intimate knowledge - you know your spouse best. You're an expert on your spouse. Help them see themselves through your eyes - give them a picture of the amazing person you know.

7 ways to give your spouse a needed, and life-giving drink of water - Encouragement.

If you encourage your spouse more than I water my plants... maybe you'll even prevent a wilting of their spirit!

If Peace in marriage was described using music...

In music, harmony is the pleasing blending of notes to enhance the melody.

In marriage, peace provides a harmony to compliment purpose.

If spouses have purpose in their marriage, then peace becomes the satisfying note to give purpose added dimension. Using music to illustrate peace, harmony would be like consonance in intervals - notes that sound pleasing when played at the same time. The notes sound stable. Peace provides stability.

In addition, peace is not passive - it's an active state. Think of a line of harmony in a song (alto, tenor, or bass). Harmony doesn't remain on one note regardless of the melody; rather it follows the melody, creating a pleasing distinction. Just as peace can follow a couple through their life, complimenting new experiences.

How can you tell when peace is a part of marriage? It shows by how each spouse knows and accepts the underlying motivation of the other - regardless of outward actions. Peace provides stability. Each spouse is secure in their understanding of the other's decisions, because they are united in purpose. Peace provides the harmony to the melody of purpose.

Every marriage can have harmony. However, in music there is more than one style of harmony. Will your marriage harmony be like consonance, which can be compared to peace? The other concept in music harmony is called dissonance - where the interval between notes is uncomfortable. That interval isn’t considered stable according to a musical dictionary.

• consonance - notes put together to sound stable, and pleasing to the ear


• dissonance - notes that are uncomfortable together - the listener's ear is waiting for a change of note to make the sound comfortable

You’ll have to take a look at your marriage and decide what kind of interval and harmony you’d like to live. My desire is that both of you will feel & learn the interval of consonance, thereby the peace of harmony in your marriage.

Shared harmony equals shared peace.

A note on peace: The most precious peace is from God, through Christ Jesus. Only He can give true peace. Read John 14:25-27 to begin to understand that peace.

Join me next time, as I introduce the first of - 7 deliberate actions - using encouragement to bring peace and purpose into your marriage relationship.