An Encouraging Statement

Marriage is...

sharing your vulnerable spots,

knowing they'll be gently kissed.

When it's time to lean...

Times are a little tough right now.

People are hurting financially, and emotionally. Even if you're not directly affected by the economic climate, you may struggle. Sometimes worries afflict - the worst-case scenario plays over and over in your mind, zapping strength and motivation.

Perhaps you're not feeling particularly strong these days.

"Lean on me when you're not strong..." the first stanza of that popular song says. Who can you lean on? Who can provide strength?

As Christians we lean on Jesus - He can fulfill all our needs in a perfect way. He's first.

Maybe we can also lean on our parents, or friends, or extended family.

Can we also lean on our spouse?

We can if they really know us:

• We can lean on our spouse if they know our needs.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know our fears.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what brings us joy.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what motivates us.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what we value.

Being encouraged isn't all about the other person taking action. Your participation in the process is necessary. Have you taken the time to share intimate knowledge of yourself with your spouse? They're not mind readers, you know.

God knows all things - not your spouse!

If you're feeling the need to lean - to be encouraged - I challenge you to arrange an intimate, quiet few hours with your spouse. Tell them you want to be alone together to talk and you need them to listen.

Is this idea scary?

Most of us don't walk around naked - either in body or spirit. Sharing hearts - being naked emotionally - is much harder than climbing into bed to experience physical intimacy with your spouse. It can feel excruciating to expose deep emotions.

It's OK to begin small. Uncover one aspect of what you're feeling at the start. Try exposing only one fear to your spouse. They may surprise you and provide a loving shoulder to lean on. That's one way to feel encouraged - to feel validated because your spouse has intimate knowledge of who you are.

Validating with intimate knowledge may be the most elusive of all the seven encouragement actions because it requires transparency. Emotional intimacy doesn't come easily. Guessing will not work when your spouse wants to validate your needs, fears, or joys. Your spouse needs something to work with and it's up to you to share.

God can use your spouse to encourage you. After you've taken your concerns to the Lord in prayer, try sharing with the one you married. Experience how your spouse's ability to encourage you will deepen - from a puddle to a bottomless well.

Water with Encouragement

My house plants get a lot of exercise.

They wilt.

They revive.

They wilt, and they revive once more.

What's the miracle that brings back their strength?

Water. It's a simple thing, yet vital to a plant's ability to live.

In life, we face challenges that can make us wilt.

The drive to succeed can run out of steam.

A will to thrive can sputter to a halt.

The ability to get up, one more time, after a disappointment can seem impossible.

Have you or your spouse ever felt wilted - unable to rebound? What can revive your spouse's drive?

A drink of cool, clear, refreshing Encouragement might make the difference.

Encouragement can take the form of hope - telling your spouse you'll be together to build a bright future. Talking and planning for the future can revive the desire to succeed.

Encouragement can take the form of faith - reminding your spouse of the greatness of God, and how God can make a difference in your lives. Encouragement ends in the letter "t". The shape of the cross. Bringing your spouse (literally or figuratively) to a point they can experience Christ will encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of love - love that's based on who your spouse is, not a reflection of their behavior. Showing love through intimate, physical touch can encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of prayer - the silent prayer between God and you, asking the One who can change circumstances for help. Or letting your spouse hear you pray for them - that will bring encouragement.

Encouragement can take the form of joy-filled zeal - the pitching in with physical labor, the lending a hand in a practical way, or the simple act of "being present" for your spouse is a way to encourage.

Encouragement can take the form of new insight - ideas and suggestions, research into a problem, or referring them to someone who has been in their situation will encourage your spouse.

Encouragement can take the form of validating them with your intimate knowledge - you know your spouse best. You're an expert on your spouse. Help them see themselves through your eyes - give them a picture of the amazing person you know.

7 ways to give your spouse a needed, and life-giving drink of water - Encouragement.

If you encourage your spouse more than I water my plants... maybe you'll even prevent a wilting of their spirit!

What does the mirror reflect?

I've been "lurking" - reading and being encouraged - on a forum since December. It's connected to a Christian web-site for mothers at home and their purpose is to encourage women in their profession of motherhood.

On this forum I read a thread called "Dh (dear husband) Praises". Amazing.

These ladies were looking at their husband's behavior and noticing the good stuff. This good stuff included everything from taking care of children, to doing household chores, to reaching out to comfort and include someone, to earning an income to provide for their family and more. Sometimes I could tell some wives forced themselves to search for the good - and it wasn't easy - yet they were successful in finding it.

I've never met these ladies or their husbands. However, through their praises I "saw" a reflection of these men. These reflections showed me good men - men who were valued.

Now I have a question for you.

How does your spouse appear using the mirror of your words?

When you talk about your spouse to friends, co-workers, family or the store clerk, what impression will those people take with them? Are you reflecting a positive image of your spouse?

I can hear you now -telling me that you're so frustrated with all the things your spouse can't or won't do - you're telling me how disappointed you are - you're telling me you want what you used to have and why can't it be like that again - you're telling me how afraid of the future you are if things stay the same. I hear you. I do.

Is reflecting all the concerns, negatives, and disappointments helping you in any way? Is it making things better?

Yes, I know we all need to vent and unburden ourselves at times, or we'll b-l-o-w. I'm no different.

That's where a strong prayer life - an intimate connection with God - fills the void. I unburden myself to Him. I complain, and lament, and rage, and plead, and mutter ... but when I'm done I force myself to find something to be thankful about. That's why that thread, and those ladies on the forum who praised their husbands touched my heart so deeply.

So. Here's my question again - How does your spouse "look" in the mirror of your words?

If the reflection of your spouse isn't a positive one, it's in your power to change it.

Reflect the good stuff. Search for the good stuff. Make it a habit to only talk about the good stuff to others. Practice this long enough and you'll see the "new" reflection too ...

And wouldn't that change your life? Become your spouse's mirror - reflect only the positive.

Know what makes your spouse feel special!

Recently I spent time with a couple who have been married for 53 years. They still hold hands.


As I sat with them following dinner I looked over, and their hands were clasped. 53 years married, 6 children, 16 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren - and they hold hands.


What's kept them together, holding hands, and respecting each other? Probably lots of things, however one story stood out.


They had six small children, one income, and times were tough. He worked hard in his profession, and also served as a minister on weekends and visited church members every evening. She was responsible for things at home.


Imagine being a young mom with your husband working all day, and helping other people on the weekends and during the evenings... Yet she knew she was special and valued - despite very little time or money. How?



After visiting church members into the late evening, he would stop by a convenience store and buy a coconut covered, individual sized cake. He would present it to her. Just her.


She called it a "ho-ho", and I've since learned its name is a Hostess® Sno Ball®. It became America’s most famous pink snack cake, and celebrates 60 years as one of America’s favorite treats.



So what really happened that she felt special? Was it the cake? Not really.


He made the conscious decision to think about her - and took action to show it.


When was the last time you deliberately took action to give something to your spouse they valued - to make them feel special?


Don't tell me you don't have the money. Money is not required. Knowledge of your spouse is ...


First - understand what your spouse values - what makes them feel special. Next, you need to take action.


Intimate Knowledge - then action. It's one way to encourage your spouse.