Plan to Encourage

Have you heard the old adage, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail…” ? Planning takes effort – it demands a conscious choice – and it’s an indicator of a proactive person working toward a desired outcome.

If we want to encourage our spouse – to inspire their hope in the future, strengthen their faith, show them unconditional love, lift them up in prayer, support them with joy filled zeal, stimulate them with new insight and validate them with intimate knowledge– then we need to design a plan to encourage them.

A practical plan to start the encouraging process:

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” Planning, unlike wishing, will provide results.

Make a list of everything that’s going on in your spouse’s life right now - in your relationship, as a family, at work, in friendships, and in life in general. Do you know? You may see your spouse every day, but when was the last time you sat down and just listened to them?

Design a time to chat. This time is for your spouse to talk and share – you’re there to:

1) Ask kind, gently probing, open-ended questions.
2) Listen to their answers. Be quiet and just listen – do not share your opinions.
3) Watch their eyes – the eyes are the windows to the soul.
4) Pay attention to their body language as they talk about each topic.
5) Notice - through vocal inflection - what they’re excited about or fearful over.
6) Really hear them. Hear the feelings and emotions lying under the words.

Now that you know some of what’s going on in your spouse’s heart, mind and soul, you can build your plan.

As you ask yourself the following questions, write down the anwers:

• How can I inspire them with hope for their future? For our future together?


• How can I bring my faith as a Christian into focus to provide strength – to fortify them?


• How can I notice them – the person they are, not their behavior – and foster them with unconditional love? Love can take the form of an intimate touch, or gentle, nurturing care.


• What can I pray for in their life? Can I pray with them to uplift them? When can it happen?


• What action can I take today to give them my joy-filled support?


• With what new insight into their situation can I stimulate their thinking?


• How can I use my intimate knowledge of my spouse to validate them– to let them know what a unique and special person they are?

Be specific when answering these questions.
Be diligent, and thoughtful.
Be creative and insightful.

Building on small words, ideas and gestures will make your spouse feel wrapped in encouragement, thereby transforming your relationship.

Your plan to encourage will make you a light in your spouse’s life, and a voice of possibility in their ear. You’ll be an encourager. It’s a good thing to be!