Coloring Outside the Lines

Remember using crayons? Every color, every shade in the rainbow (plus a few more) was found in a box of crayons.

Sometimes I would draw my own pictures but more often I'd use a coloring book with the outline of pictures already drawn - the picture defined and waiting to be filled in.

Those line drawings on a white page were waiting for me to use my crayons and bring them to life.

While I was young, the outlines were just suggestions. I knew I could use the entire page and cover it with any color I chose. I could even add to the picture if something was missing. It didn't have to be perfect, just colorful. I delighted in the act of coloring.

As I got older, I concentrated on coloring inside the lines, and choosing my colors carefully to make the picture show artistic skill.

My actions became more about the end product than the process.

If I made a mistake and colored outside the line drawing, or used the wrong color in the wrong place... I'd discard that effort. Only the perfectly colored pictures would end up hanging on the wall or given as a gift.

Now I'm a grown-up - or at least I'm supposed to be.

Color in my life is still important and I have more color in my life than what’s on my walls. Color can manifest far more on the intangible than the exterior, physical part of life.

A colorful life can come from a diverse group of friends, or exhilarating experiences. Color in life can come from learning new things, or growing in a skill.

Encouragement can be a whole rainbow of colors to enhance a relationship.

What if you were to grow in your ability to encourage? What more could be added to your relationship with your spouse if you used encouragement like the box of crayons you had as a child?

You’re telling me that you already encourage.

I believe you.

However, are you careful to stay within the boundaries when encouraging your spouse - using only the tried and true?

That would be like only using a few crayons out of the rainbow pack. We're used to blue, green, yellow, and red and we stick with those colors. What would every color look like - all together - on the page?

Imagine filling your entire spousal relationship canvas using the colors of encouragement.

What effect can the right color have?

• color can cheer
• color can draw attention
• color can enhance a drab interior or exterior
• color can soothe
• color can rejuvenate
• color can change perspective
• color can envelope

And encouragement can do all those things too.

• Inspiring with HOPE can brighten your future.
• Fortifying with FAITH can draw attention to God
• Fostering with Unconditional LOVE can enhance the interior & exterior of any marriage
• Uplifting with persistent PRAYER can soothe fears
• Supporting with joy-filled ZEAL can rejuvenate a tired spirit
• Stimulating with NEW INSIGHT can change perspective in situations
• Validating with INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE can envelope your spouse with acceptance

Add a little encouragement color to your relationship!

Be bold – I challenge you to use all the colors in the box, to color outside the lines and really make an impact!

Water with Encouragement

My house plants get a lot of exercise.

They wilt.

They revive.

They wilt, and they revive once more.

What's the miracle that brings back their strength?

Water. It's a simple thing, yet vital to a plant's ability to live.

In life, we face challenges that can make us wilt.

The drive to succeed can run out of steam.

A will to thrive can sputter to a halt.

The ability to get up, one more time, after a disappointment can seem impossible.

Have you or your spouse ever felt wilted - unable to rebound? What can revive your spouse's drive?

A drink of cool, clear, refreshing Encouragement might make the difference.

Encouragement can take the form of hope - telling your spouse you'll be together to build a bright future. Talking and planning for the future can revive the desire to succeed.

Encouragement can take the form of faith - reminding your spouse of the greatness of God, and how God can make a difference in your lives. Encouragement ends in the letter "t". The shape of the cross. Bringing your spouse (literally or figuratively) to a point they can experience Christ will encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of love - love that's based on who your spouse is, not a reflection of their behavior. Showing love through intimate, physical touch can encourage them.

Encouragement can take the form of prayer - the silent prayer between God and you, asking the One who can change circumstances for help. Or letting your spouse hear you pray for them - that will bring encouragement.

Encouragement can take the form of joy-filled zeal - the pitching in with physical labor, the lending a hand in a practical way, or the simple act of "being present" for your spouse is a way to encourage.

Encouragement can take the form of new insight - ideas and suggestions, research into a problem, or referring them to someone who has been in their situation will encourage your spouse.

Encouragement can take the form of validating them with your intimate knowledge - you know your spouse best. You're an expert on your spouse. Help them see themselves through your eyes - give them a picture of the amazing person you know.

7 ways to give your spouse a needed, and life-giving drink of water - Encouragement.

If you encourage your spouse more than I water my plants... maybe you'll even prevent a wilting of their spirit!

What does the mirror reflect?

I've been "lurking" - reading and being encouraged - on a forum since December. It's connected to a Christian web-site for mothers at home and their purpose is to encourage women in their profession of motherhood.

On this forum I read a thread called "Dh (dear husband) Praises". Amazing.

These ladies were looking at their husband's behavior and noticing the good stuff. This good stuff included everything from taking care of children, to doing household chores, to reaching out to comfort and include someone, to earning an income to provide for their family and more. Sometimes I could tell some wives forced themselves to search for the good - and it wasn't easy - yet they were successful in finding it.

I've never met these ladies or their husbands. However, through their praises I "saw" a reflection of these men. These reflections showed me good men - men who were valued.

Now I have a question for you.

How does your spouse appear using the mirror of your words?

When you talk about your spouse to friends, co-workers, family or the store clerk, what impression will those people take with them? Are you reflecting a positive image of your spouse?

I can hear you now -telling me that you're so frustrated with all the things your spouse can't or won't do - you're telling me how disappointed you are - you're telling me you want what you used to have and why can't it be like that again - you're telling me how afraid of the future you are if things stay the same. I hear you. I do.

Is reflecting all the concerns, negatives, and disappointments helping you in any way? Is it making things better?

Yes, I know we all need to vent and unburden ourselves at times, or we'll b-l-o-w. I'm no different.

That's where a strong prayer life - an intimate connection with God - fills the void. I unburden myself to Him. I complain, and lament, and rage, and plead, and mutter ... but when I'm done I force myself to find something to be thankful about. That's why that thread, and those ladies on the forum who praised their husbands touched my heart so deeply.

So. Here's my question again - How does your spouse "look" in the mirror of your words?

If the reflection of your spouse isn't a positive one, it's in your power to change it.

Reflect the good stuff. Search for the good stuff. Make it a habit to only talk about the good stuff to others. Practice this long enough and you'll see the "new" reflection too ...

And wouldn't that change your life? Become your spouse's mirror - reflect only the positive.

Practice Gratitude

When was the last time you were thankful for your spouse? Thankful for the person he or she is - character traits, talents, attitudes, actions and words ...

Today?

Yesterday?

Last week, or month? Maybe last year... what about in the last 10 years?

It doesn't matter when last you practiced being thankful - what matters is that you begin now. Yes. Now. Right now.

And what's one powerful way to express this gratitude - this thankfulness for your spouse? Take action in prayer. Tell the One who provided. Begin with Him.

If you talk to God about how thankful you are for your spouse, you'll focus on what's right in your marriage - it'll uplift you. And if you're praying with your spouse and they hear you, you'll encourage them also.

So, now it gets personal... what sort of things are you thankful for in your spouse?

Here 's what some couples I've spoken with list as things they're thankful for in their spouse:

• how he brings her Hershey's with Almonds


• how she makes the food he likes, just the way he likes it


• how he's fair & non-judgemental


• her patience


• his work ethic


• how he makes her laugh, even in the worst times


• how she always pays the bills


• knowing that she prays for him


• knowing that he likes to play board games

Thankfulness in big things - thankfulness in little things... it doesn't matter. Just be thankful.

I challenge you to make your own list, and the next time you pray with your spouse express this thankfulness. (What if all you did in your prayer is give thanks?)

It might become a habit - to uplift each other with persistant prayer.

Prayer - another way to encourage your spouse.

Seeds of Hope

Being able to look forward with anticipation ...

Having the expectation that good will happen ...

Working toward a goal that will build up ...

How developed is your ability to hope?

Hope is like a seed - it has all the elements to grow into something wonderful if nurtured. How can you nurture hope in yourself and your spouse?

Recently I found a lovely little product in a gift shop: "Seeds of Hope"

They are 12 little cards with an affirmation on each card - all so you can nurture hope. Here's a couple of examples:

"When you choose love over fear, hope will surprise you with new possibilities."

"Fill your heart with hope. Anything is possible!"

The description on the package is "This little packet is full of encouragement. With it you can stoke your heart. Be reminded how much you are treasured. And wrap yourself in hope, tender as a hug."

In addition to these 12 - 3x3 sized cards, there are also seeds. Yes. Real seeds to plant.

Lovely.

If you're interested - go to http://www.gentlyspoken.com/ to learn more.

I'm not selling anything, nor do I know this person, or receive anything... it's just a product I fell in love with! Sometimes I need help keeping my own hope alive!

Do you raise up - or cross out?

Imagine a paper - 8 1/2 by 11, white - with a signature written on it.

Now imagine preparing to draw a line on the paper. One straight line drawn horizontally across the page. What do you do with your line?



The line is you & that special, unique signature is your spouse.

We can either support our spouse's signature with our line - or we can cross it out.

Our spouses want us to support them. It's important to them that we notice and value their talents and positive qualities. Doing that we raise them up.

However, at times (sometimes even without realizing) we cross them out. How?

Criticism crosses them out - especially in public.
Doubt in their abilities crosses them out.
Busyness crosses them out.
Indifference about their dreams crosses them out.

There's more - but you get the idea. It's not a violent act, it's not always a premeditated act, but it does cross them out, instead of supporting them.

Be the line under your spouse's signature - raising them up, supporting them - not crossing them out!

A simple gesture, done consistently...

Speaks Volumes!


An interesting (at least to me) concept has cropped up while I've been asking married couples this month to tell me the way they communicate their love to their spouse..


Couples will often have a gesture - or two - that has developed over time to communicate their love. Their solidarity. Their "couple-hood".


It takes a little while to uncover these gestures. When I first ask the couples they usually can't think of anything. They'll laugh, and shrug. They'll look at each other and smile.


Eventually they might suggest something small in a hesitant voice, assuming what they do can't be that important. Or we'll continue talking and I'll notice how they react to a shared story - and comment on the gesture they use. The couple will be surprised to realize that they do use this regularly.


Here's a few simple, consistent gestures some couples do to show their love to each other:



- a good morning kiss
- the ASL sign "I love you" across a crowded room
- knuckle to knuckle "punch" when in agreement
- a special wave (hand motion) when leaving
- a neck massage every now and again when driving long distance
- holding hands when walking





It's really interesting to see how spouses show their love - sometimes with gestures that are unconscious and unplanned, yet consistent.



How do you encourage your spouse with a simple, consistent gesture? Let me know - email Lori@EncourageYourSpouse.com!