Remaining Hope Filled

I work on staying filled with hope - it doesn't always happen automatically.

One book I pick up to re-fill my hope is a little inspirational volume by Roy Lessin -

365 Day Brighteners Reflections from the Heart of God.

ISBN 259449153-4

Roy Lessin's inspirational words are highlighted and then a word from scripture - today was Lamentations 3:22,23 NRSV "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

How do you remain filled with hope?

Brush Fires in your Relationship

We live on a rural property that constantly needs attention. Things grow faster than we can take care of them, so in our few and far-between hours of leisure my husband goes out to cut up fallen brush and piles it to burn.

There's one spot that has quite a large pile (it was started already before we arrived), and last year Robert tried to reduce it by burning.

The fire began with some difficulty due to the rain in the days prior, however once that blaze took hold it burned with a fierce intensity. That pile of brush and scrub, diseased wood, leaves and dead weeds burned for three days. Fortunately the pile was surrounded by a swampy area so there wasn't any danger of the fire spreading. Three days of flame - smaller and greater as the different types of debris burned.

You'd think after three days there would only be ash - however a large pile still stood. Then it rained again. That pile smoked for three weeks after the flames were doused. It was still hot. We believed there were hollow logs still smoldering amongst the pile. Finally the pile cooled, and there was no more smoke.

Quite a bit had burned, leaving heaps of ash.

Later in the spring, plants began to sprout from the ash. Those plants - we didn't know what type - continued to grow till they covered what what left of the debris pile.

The stalks grew thicker than my wrist and the feathery leaves were two or three feet across. Bright red berries appeared and the birds were ecstatic with their new food source. We hadn't planted anything in the ash, yet something beautiful and useful grew from the debris we burned.

How does this connect to encouragement?

At times in our marriage we have collected emotional brush piles.

Those piles separate us from our spouse. There are disappointments, unresolved disagreements, and hurtful words in those piles. There are unsupported dreams, unknown desires and ignored advice in those brush piles. Nothing there is useful - the pile itself is debris.

My suggestion is to burn it.

But how?

Bring everything to the Lord in prayer and let His power consume that emotional brush pile till nothing is left. Except maybe ash, so something good and useful can grow.

Uplift with persistent prayer - Encourage both your spouse and yourself.

Validation

My son showed me this video on YouTube.

Use 15 minutes of your time - you'll feel good!

Why are you encouraging your spouse? Focus on the big picture.

Sometimes when you give your spouse that little verbal pat on the back, it can be done without much thought. He or she does something nice, performs well, or needs a positive word, and you respond. No biggie. Easily accomplished. Moving on to more important things…


There’s an oft-used story about three bricklayers’ attitude to their work that can be used to illustrate this:
The story goes, that three bricklayers are working side by side.

They’re asked by a visitor, "What are you doing?"

The first bricklayer replies, "I'm laying bricks to earn a living. My family needs to eat."

The second bricklayer answers, "I’m laying bricks to build this wall. A guy over there taught me what to do and everyday I show up to put one brick on top of another. I guess someday they’ll tell me I’m done and I’ll move on to another wall."

The third bricklayer when asked the very same question, "What are you doing?", responds, "I'm building a cathedral. It’ll be to the honor and glory of God. I’m helping to create something for my family - my children and grandchildren will benefit along with generations who will come here to praise and honor God. It’ll be so beautiful. Would you like to help along?”

As you enter 2009, and work on your relationship with your spouse, ask yourself “Why am I encouraging?”

Do you encourage just because it fulfills a need, or it’s what you know you’re supposed to do?

Or do you encourage your spouse because you have a vision of how life could be great together – filled with purpose and peace?

Keep your eye on the greater purpose – the macro picture – as you encourage your spouse! Make 2009 a year to celebrate.

Encouraging at my House

Since I've been researching and writing on Encouragement, I've picked up a few new ideas and Robert is the "blessed" recipient as I try them out.

I thought I'd tell you how my own encouragement experiences work out - they're not always as successful as I plan them to be. We often say that I'm all about the process and he's focused on the product. Fortunately, Robert sees the good in what I try.

Here's an example where one try at encouraging my spouse didn't quite work as well as I'd hoped:

A little over a month ago Robert began, as happens to many, grappling with issues at work and church. His other responsibilities in life began to weigh heavily. Then like an unexpected ice-storm, the doom-'n-gloom economic climate seemed to freeze-over his usual positive outlook.

Maybe it was time for a little extra encouragement. But what to do?

All my words of hope couldn't seem to melt the weight of his worries. I was already praying and he both knew I was and heard me pray. I thought I'd try fortifying his faith in God's control over circumstances using verses from the Bible.

I found a stack of 2" x 3" cards with Bible verses (they were from a desk calendar my son had) and chose eighteen or twenty verses I thought might have an impact. Then I placed one card in his medicine cabinet next to his shaver so he would see it he started his day. After I placed the first card, I waited expectantly for a comment from him. Nothing.

So I changed the card to another Bible verse. It was a powerful verse. Still no acknowledgement.

A week or so later I put a new card in the medicine cabinet - this time next to his toothbrush. Not a word from Robert about the newest addition to his cabinet.

Well, I thought I couldn't be doing anything harmful, and I was determined not to be discouraged. I kept replacing those Bible verse cards every so often.

About five weeks later, we were packing for a weekend trip, and Robert finally said, "Thanks for the Bible cards."

Wow - he DID notice!

I wanted to know if it had helped him - which verse he liked best. That question highlighted what I hadn't taken into account. Robert recently started wearing reading glasses. He doesn't need them to shave or to brush his teeth, so every time he went into the bathroom, he saw the card, but the writing was so small he couldn't read it!

My attempt to encourage had been foiled in an unexpected way.

We laughed together over the issues of getting older.

And the next card I found to put into his medicine cabinet had really big writing so he could read it without his glasses!

When it's time to lean...

Times are a little tough right now.

People are hurting financially, and emotionally. Even if you're not directly affected by the economic climate, you may struggle. Sometimes worries afflict - the worst-case scenario plays over and over in your mind, zapping strength and motivation.

Perhaps you're not feeling particularly strong these days.

"Lean on me when you're not strong..." the first stanza of that popular song says. Who can you lean on? Who can provide strength?

As Christians we lean on Jesus - He can fulfill all our needs in a perfect way. He's first.

Maybe we can also lean on our parents, or friends, or extended family.

Can we also lean on our spouse?

We can if they really know us:

• We can lean on our spouse if they know our needs.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know our fears.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what brings us joy.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what motivates us.
• We can lean on our spouse if they know what we value.

Being encouraged isn't all about the other person taking action. Your participation in the process is necessary. Have you taken the time to share intimate knowledge of yourself with your spouse? They're not mind readers, you know.

God knows all things - not your spouse!

If you're feeling the need to lean - to be encouraged - I challenge you to arrange an intimate, quiet few hours with your spouse. Tell them you want to be alone together to talk and you need them to listen.

Is this idea scary?

Most of us don't walk around naked - either in body or spirit. Sharing hearts - being naked emotionally - is much harder than climbing into bed to experience physical intimacy with your spouse. It can feel excruciating to expose deep emotions.

It's OK to begin small. Uncover one aspect of what you're feeling at the start. Try exposing only one fear to your spouse. They may surprise you and provide a loving shoulder to lean on. That's one way to feel encouraged - to feel validated because your spouse has intimate knowledge of who you are.

Validating with intimate knowledge may be the most elusive of all the seven encouragement actions because it requires transparency. Emotional intimacy doesn't come easily. Guessing will not work when your spouse wants to validate your needs, fears, or joys. Your spouse needs something to work with and it's up to you to share.

God can use your spouse to encourage you. After you've taken your concerns to the Lord in prayer, try sharing with the one you married. Experience how your spouse's ability to encourage you will deepen - from a puddle to a bottomless well.

Holding Hands

Touch communicates love.

I'm sure that statement doesn't surprise you - we're bombarded by images on television and in print of couples touching each other. They're either embracing or kissing or caressing. Or more.

There's another touch between couples that communicates love, and I wonder when the last time you and your spouse reached out and ...

held hands?

I've interviewed a number of couples married more than 50 years. One of the many things I've noticed about their relationship is that they hold hands -or the wife will tuck her arm through the crook of her husband's arm as they walk.

It's touch. It isn't fancy, or overt but it does show two people connected by love.

I challenge you to reach out to your spouse today - and hold their hand. It's one way to encourage - to foster with unconditional love.