A simple gesture, done consistently...

Speaks Volumes!


An interesting (at least to me) concept has cropped up while I've been asking married couples this month to tell me the way they communicate their love to their spouse..


Couples will often have a gesture - or two - that has developed over time to communicate their love. Their solidarity. Their "couple-hood".


It takes a little while to uncover these gestures. When I first ask the couples they usually can't think of anything. They'll laugh, and shrug. They'll look at each other and smile.


Eventually they might suggest something small in a hesitant voice, assuming what they do can't be that important. Or we'll continue talking and I'll notice how they react to a shared story - and comment on the gesture they use. The couple will be surprised to realize that they do use this regularly.


Here's a few simple, consistent gestures some couples do to show their love to each other:



- a good morning kiss
- the ASL sign "I love you" across a crowded room
- knuckle to knuckle "punch" when in agreement
- a special wave (hand motion) when leaving
- a neck massage every now and again when driving long distance
- holding hands when walking





It's really interesting to see how spouses show their love - sometimes with gestures that are unconscious and unplanned, yet consistent.



How do you encourage your spouse with a simple, consistent gesture? Let me know - email Lori@EncourageYourSpouse.com!

Know what makes your spouse feel special!

Recently I spent time with a couple who have been married for 53 years. They still hold hands.


As I sat with them following dinner I looked over, and their hands were clasped. 53 years married, 6 children, 16 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren - and they hold hands.


What's kept them together, holding hands, and respecting each other? Probably lots of things, however one story stood out.


They had six small children, one income, and times were tough. He worked hard in his profession, and also served as a minister on weekends and visited church members every evening. She was responsible for things at home.


Imagine being a young mom with your husband working all day, and helping other people on the weekends and during the evenings... Yet she knew she was special and valued - despite very little time or money. How?



After visiting church members into the late evening, he would stop by a convenience store and buy a coconut covered, individual sized cake. He would present it to her. Just her.


She called it a "ho-ho", and I've since learned its name is a Hostess® Sno Ball®. It became America’s most famous pink snack cake, and celebrates 60 years as one of America’s favorite treats.



So what really happened that she felt special? Was it the cake? Not really.


He made the conscious decision to think about her - and took action to show it.


When was the last time you deliberately took action to give something to your spouse they valued - to make them feel special?


Don't tell me you don't have the money. Money is not required. Knowledge of your spouse is ...


First - understand what your spouse values - what makes them feel special. Next, you need to take action.


Intimate Knowledge - then action. It's one way to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope - being an optimist will help!

According to research there's only a 25% chance you've been born with an optimist's DNA ...

However, there's a whole group of people walking around this planet choosing to look at the good in life - hoping for a great future.
We choose how we're going to behave. Are you choosing to be an optimist?

Here's why being optimistic will help you inspire yourself and your spouse with hope ...

1) If you are optimistic, you're more likely to set goals - having hope for a great future.

2) If you are optimistic, your goals will lead you to develop (new) skills, and practice those skills to achieve your goals. Taking action toward your goals is a sign of an optimist.

3) If you are optimistic, your new, practiced skills will create a feeling of "flow"* - of being competent, and in control. Then you'll enjoy successful outcomes.

4) If you are optimistic, your successful outcomes will make you feel and act with joy, leading you to more hope for a greater future.

It's a cycle - become an optimist and inspire with hope! Encourage your spouse.

To learn more go to www.encourageyourspouse.com

* Flow is a concept proposed by positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

A summary - 7 ways to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope -
"I believe we can build an incredible future together."

Fortify with Faith
"I contribute strength to your belief in God."

Foster with Unconditional Love
"I demonstrate creatively how much love, without limitations and conditions, weaves our life together."

Uplift with Persistent Prayer
"I pray for you, and with you, releasing everything into God's care."

Support with Joy filled Zeal
"I'm working beside you - with energy & a willing attitude - building a great life together."

Stimulate with New Insight
"I'm primed to provide new ideas and information to energize our life together."

Validate with Intimate Knowledge
"I know who you are. I know your needs, fears, joys & what motivates you. I value you."

Something was missing ...

What was missing?

It was the 3rd deliberate action you can take to show encouragement!

LOVE

Foster with Unconditional Love

Loving your spouse may begin as the easiest action in marriage and end up, because of life tensions, the most difficult to sustain. Imagine love as the warp and weft of a fabric - and then enveloping your spouse in that fabric woven following the pattern found in 1Corinthians 13:4-7.

This is the third of 7 deliberate actions to show encouragement.

Validate with Intimate Knowledge

Encouragement can come from knowing your spouse

- inside and out -

by being the person able to finish their sentences

and instinctively understand their motivations.

What if you could identify what your spouse needed - physically, mentally and emotionally? If you use intimate knowledge in a postive way, your ability to encourage will deepen - from a puddle to a bottomless well.

This is the 7th deliberate action to show positive encouragement.

Stimulate with New Insight

Idea sparks - iron sharpens iron. Engergizing new information.

New Insight will stimulate excitement for on-going acitivites, and illuminate new avenues. Share new ideas and use those ideas to keep your life together interesting and future focused. New Insight will create a brilliant firework display designed to vitalize your marriage encouragement.

This is the sixth, of 7 deliberate actions to show positive encouragement.