Practice Gratitude

When was the last time you were thankful for your spouse? Thankful for the person he or she is - character traits, talents, attitudes, actions and words ...

Today?

Yesterday?

Last week, or month? Maybe last year... what about in the last 10 years?

It doesn't matter when last you practiced being thankful - what matters is that you begin now. Yes. Now. Right now.

And what's one powerful way to express this gratitude - this thankfulness for your spouse? Take action in prayer. Tell the One who provided. Begin with Him.

If you talk to God about how thankful you are for your spouse, you'll focus on what's right in your marriage - it'll uplift you. And if you're praying with your spouse and they hear you, you'll encourage them also.

So, now it gets personal... what sort of things are you thankful for in your spouse?

Here 's what some couples I've spoken with list as things they're thankful for in their spouse:

• how he brings her Hershey's with Almonds


• how she makes the food he likes, just the way he likes it


• how he's fair & non-judgemental


• her patience


• his work ethic


• how he makes her laugh, even in the worst times


• how she always pays the bills


• knowing that she prays for him


• knowing that he likes to play board games

Thankfulness in big things - thankfulness in little things... it doesn't matter. Just be thankful.

I challenge you to make your own list, and the next time you pray with your spouse express this thankfulness. (What if all you did in your prayer is give thanks?)

It might become a habit - to uplift each other with persistant prayer.

Prayer - another way to encourage your spouse.

Seeds of Hope

Being able to look forward with anticipation ...

Having the expectation that good will happen ...

Working toward a goal that will build up ...

How developed is your ability to hope?

Hope is like a seed - it has all the elements to grow into something wonderful if nurtured. How can you nurture hope in yourself and your spouse?

Recently I found a lovely little product in a gift shop: "Seeds of Hope"

They are 12 little cards with an affirmation on each card - all so you can nurture hope. Here's a couple of examples:

"When you choose love over fear, hope will surprise you with new possibilities."

"Fill your heart with hope. Anything is possible!"

The description on the package is "This little packet is full of encouragement. With it you can stoke your heart. Be reminded how much you are treasured. And wrap yourself in hope, tender as a hug."

In addition to these 12 - 3x3 sized cards, there are also seeds. Yes. Real seeds to plant.

Lovely.

If you're interested - go to http://www.gentlyspoken.com/ to learn more.

I'm not selling anything, nor do I know this person, or receive anything... it's just a product I fell in love with! Sometimes I need help keeping my own hope alive!

Do you raise up - or cross out?

Imagine a paper - 8 1/2 by 11, white - with a signature written on it.

Now imagine preparing to draw a line on the paper. One straight line drawn horizontally across the page. What do you do with your line?



The line is you & that special, unique signature is your spouse.

We can either support our spouse's signature with our line - or we can cross it out.

Our spouses want us to support them. It's important to them that we notice and value their talents and positive qualities. Doing that we raise them up.

However, at times (sometimes even without realizing) we cross them out. How?

Criticism crosses them out - especially in public.
Doubt in their abilities crosses them out.
Busyness crosses them out.
Indifference about their dreams crosses them out.

There's more - but you get the idea. It's not a violent act, it's not always a premeditated act, but it does cross them out, instead of supporting them.

Be the line under your spouse's signature - raising them up, supporting them - not crossing them out!

A simple gesture, done consistently...

Speaks Volumes!


An interesting (at least to me) concept has cropped up while I've been asking married couples this month to tell me the way they communicate their love to their spouse..


Couples will often have a gesture - or two - that has developed over time to communicate their love. Their solidarity. Their "couple-hood".


It takes a little while to uncover these gestures. When I first ask the couples they usually can't think of anything. They'll laugh, and shrug. They'll look at each other and smile.


Eventually they might suggest something small in a hesitant voice, assuming what they do can't be that important. Or we'll continue talking and I'll notice how they react to a shared story - and comment on the gesture they use. The couple will be surprised to realize that they do use this regularly.


Here's a few simple, consistent gestures some couples do to show their love to each other:



- a good morning kiss
- the ASL sign "I love you" across a crowded room
- knuckle to knuckle "punch" when in agreement
- a special wave (hand motion) when leaving
- a neck massage every now and again when driving long distance
- holding hands when walking





It's really interesting to see how spouses show their love - sometimes with gestures that are unconscious and unplanned, yet consistent.



How do you encourage your spouse with a simple, consistent gesture? Let me know - email Lori@EncourageYourSpouse.com!

Know what makes your spouse feel special!

Recently I spent time with a couple who have been married for 53 years. They still hold hands.


As I sat with them following dinner I looked over, and their hands were clasped. 53 years married, 6 children, 16 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren - and they hold hands.


What's kept them together, holding hands, and respecting each other? Probably lots of things, however one story stood out.


They had six small children, one income, and times were tough. He worked hard in his profession, and also served as a minister on weekends and visited church members every evening. She was responsible for things at home.


Imagine being a young mom with your husband working all day, and helping other people on the weekends and during the evenings... Yet she knew she was special and valued - despite very little time or money. How?



After visiting church members into the late evening, he would stop by a convenience store and buy a coconut covered, individual sized cake. He would present it to her. Just her.


She called it a "ho-ho", and I've since learned its name is a Hostess® Sno Ball®. It became America’s most famous pink snack cake, and celebrates 60 years as one of America’s favorite treats.



So what really happened that she felt special? Was it the cake? Not really.


He made the conscious decision to think about her - and took action to show it.


When was the last time you deliberately took action to give something to your spouse they valued - to make them feel special?


Don't tell me you don't have the money. Money is not required. Knowledge of your spouse is ...


First - understand what your spouse values - what makes them feel special. Next, you need to take action.


Intimate Knowledge - then action. It's one way to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope - being an optimist will help!

According to research there's only a 25% chance you've been born with an optimist's DNA ...

However, there's a whole group of people walking around this planet choosing to look at the good in life - hoping for a great future.
We choose how we're going to behave. Are you choosing to be an optimist?

Here's why being optimistic will help you inspire yourself and your spouse with hope ...

1) If you are optimistic, you're more likely to set goals - having hope for a great future.

2) If you are optimistic, your goals will lead you to develop (new) skills, and practice those skills to achieve your goals. Taking action toward your goals is a sign of an optimist.

3) If you are optimistic, your new, practiced skills will create a feeling of "flow"* - of being competent, and in control. Then you'll enjoy successful outcomes.

4) If you are optimistic, your successful outcomes will make you feel and act with joy, leading you to more hope for a greater future.

It's a cycle - become an optimist and inspire with hope! Encourage your spouse.

To learn more go to www.encourageyourspouse.com

* Flow is a concept proposed by positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

A summary - 7 ways to encourage your spouse.

Inspire with Hope -
"I believe we can build an incredible future together."

Fortify with Faith
"I contribute strength to your belief in God."

Foster with Unconditional Love
"I demonstrate creatively how much love, without limitations and conditions, weaves our life together."

Uplift with Persistent Prayer
"I pray for you, and with you, releasing everything into God's care."

Support with Joy filled Zeal
"I'm working beside you - with energy & a willing attitude - building a great life together."

Stimulate with New Insight
"I'm primed to provide new ideas and information to energize our life together."

Validate with Intimate Knowledge
"I know who you are. I know your needs, fears, joys & what motivates you. I value you."