When real encouragement happens ...

... a caring heart can talk to "fear".

Fear is often unnamed, unacknowledged, and unaddressed. But it can bring havoc into our married life.

We see the effects of fear - procrastination, withdrawal, jealousy, anger, indecisiveness, paranoia or stress. Yet we're unable to call them by their true name because our spouse is so caught up in the effect.

How do you encourage your spouse and speak with a caring heart to name fear - acknowledge the fear - address the fear?

First remind yourself and the one you love that:

God is Great.

The Greatest.

Omnipotent.

Reminisce over instances where God has impacted your loved one's life. Remind your spouse how God has used His power to change circumstances.

Sometimes your spouse is too close to their own history to do their own translation - they're so swallowed up by fear to see clearly. That's why understanding the events in your spouse's life is imperative.

It's not about curiosity, it's about being able to validate who God has made your spouse to be.

If you know your spouse's history it'll be easier to translate their life from seemingly random experiences to illustrations of God's intent in forming them.

Then - use your caring heart to refocus your spouse.

• Has your spouse been called to take action? (but they're paralyzed because they don't know how - or they're procrastinating because the task seems too daunting) Provide new insight into the task at hand - do research into that area, talk with people who have mastered the action and gently introduce your spouse to the information you learn. Stimulate your spouse into action with New Insight. And if the situation is appropriate - lend a hand. Be there to support in a physical way.


• Is your spouse called to be patient and wait? (but they're eaten by jealousy, shaking with rage or stressed out because they feel they're being passed over or being taken advantage of) Use prayer to ask God to lift them up. Let your spouse hear you pray for patience and a heart of peace to the One who can intervene and change emotions. Be persistent. And wrap them up in your love. Let your love warm them with its patience, trust and kindness.


• Is your spouse called to change? (but they're blowing back and forth with indecision or withdrawing and isolating themselves) Inspire the one you love with hope - hope for better... more... greater. It requires you to be optimistic - to have a clear picture of what could be - before you can give hope.

When you talk, with a caring heart to your spouse's fears, encourage them to:

• have hope


• increase their faith in God


• dwell on the love they have in their life


• pray unceasingly


• take action (do something positive)


• learn & gather new information


• search for and be true to who God needs them to be

Remember - the only fear with worth is God-fear, because "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge..." Proverbs 1:7 NIV